Smile

Lord, I'm really trying to live out the end of my senior year. But I'm finding it to be so difficult. Bad things happen..but why is it happening now? I'm trying so hard to be happy.

Today, we watched Shutter Island in class. I get really scared..very easily and I think I freaked out the whole class. Is it possible to fear, fear? My heart was pounding so hard when I saw that really scary image, my hands were starting to shake and I kept apologizing. I was on the verge of crying. I'm so pathetic.

During Art I talked to Angel. I told her why I don't go to Core Team and why I don't attend church anymore. I'm sorry. I feel lost right now and I'm just trying to find myself. Before I could even say anything to her, I was already breaking down. I'm such a crybaby.

Summer classes will be starting once vacation starts. It's close to $2,000 just for one month. Two hours a day. I feel so stupid. I feel like I'm wasting my parent's money. And it honestly kills me that they're going out of their way just for my Prom. Before it never really was a big deal to me, but now it is. My family really wants me to enjoy myself but how can I. Things aren't going right. But I think if I complain anymore, I'll just cry. No matter what. If it happens to rain Saturday, if the car breaks down, if we're late. If everything goes wrong, one thing is for sure. I'm going to smile. For my Mom, for my Dad, for my sister, my brother. For him.

I'm really trying, but I'm about to give up. Lord, even though nothing is going right, I'm going to try my best to smile.

make it shine

This weekend had to be the most eventful one so far this year. Friday was pretty fun, went out to Yogurt World with Daniel and stuffed my cup with mystery chocolate pieces. Saturday was a really great day. We made California sushi rolls dunked in vinegar :) hahaha I went overload with the vinegar when I was making the dipping sauce. Let's say I really eyeball it. We had a picnic then watched Ponyo. Oh yeah Daniel got fruit loops for Lily because after all we do owe her alot..and Dennis. haha.It was a great night. And a great year ;) Sunday was interesting as well. I suprisingly received a call from my Bra, Linda. She asked me if I wanted to help her go look for prom dresses at North County with Anna and Josh. It was good to talk to them again. I miss my Bras. LOL hahaha

Lately, I've been watching this show called Victorious on Nickelodeon. I find the hot-pink hair chica hilarious, who would have known she can sing? chyeahh! Check out this link. It's catchy. She goes by the name of Ariana Grande.

Suitecase by Ariana Grande

While we waited outside of Josh's House, my bro called to tell me that he has friends who can definitely do my make-up (ew), hair (yay!) and pictures. Here are some examples of what his photographer friend is capable of doing:

Yep, well that was my week so far. Time to do Psych!

there's still time

Today was another interesting day. The weather was bipolar. At first it was extremely cold then it got burning hot during Track. Art was pretty fun. Lorraine came over and brought some strawrberry milano cookies and a camera. The whole time we were taking a bunch of pictures and dancing to Fire by 2NE1.

Later on when I got home, I realized that I had two different types of earrings on. Yeah. Time to do that Prom Guide.

i can almost see it

Yes! My show's on! I love Glee!! It's the show I always look forward to. I've always had dreams of joining choir or drama at school. I really enjoy singing and dancing at home..behind closed doors of course. Gosh, this show has the best songs and I prefer their versions for all the songs they sing. I wish I can be on Glee. Hahaha. If you're ever wondering why Glee is so awesome, here's your answer:

Artie :D

Today was the Pysch Test. I really hope I did well. It went by alot faster than I expected. Hmm, I think I'll be dissapointed if I get a three. I don't know. I can't wait until July to find out. What else happened today. Oh. Yeah. College is expensive. It's no joke. Orientation alone is 104 dollars. Can you believe that. I could've gone to Disneyland, bought a yearbook, bought food...clothes? Ech..not really. I don't need much of that stuff. Well maybe the food part haha. But what I'm trying to get at here is that I think I could have put that money to good use. Sigh*

Sunday was Mother's Day. It would have been great if my sister stuck around. My kuya made teriyaki salmon, and we both made rice pilaf and rosted asparagus. As an appetizer we made shrimp lettuce wraps. Made up of butter lettuce, jumbo shrimp sauteed in hoisin and orange marmalade, topped with slivered carrots and mango salsa. Yummmmmy. I'll upload pictures eventually.

Later on my bro read stories from his blog. He made a blog when he was my age and it kinda inspired me to have one. Compared to my life, he went through alot of harsh times. Although my life is extremely boring right now, I thought, might as well make a blog until something happens you know? Who knows what the future holds?

last mother's day

Last mother's day, my bro and I cooked salmon, roasted asparagus and jumbalaya.

He also got her purple orchids. Beautiful!

 

Today's menu: shrimp lettuce wraps and well..that's all I can remember. Kuya's gonna come over to cook!! Hopefully my sister can join us.
Well my mama and papa are out to pick up cake :) The other computer is dying. Booh.
Yeah, just thought I'd share some pictures!

happy mother's day

Guess what? My prom dress finally arrived! It's here!! I'm so happy. My dad drove me down to Escondido to pick it up at Aria's bridal. The whole way there we listened to Lights.

This is her:

I've been listening to her non-stop. She's my new Demi Lovato. When I think of these girls, I always associate their style to that of Jacqueline Rivera. On the way back my dad goes "Why do you hab all these nice songs?" Looks like I gotta update his iTouch.

Yesterday was relaxing. I woke up. Cleaned my room. Broke the washer machine. Sorrrrry Mom ): She came back later that afternoon and we surprised her with roses. Then this morning my mom woke me up to go to Church at 7am. Although I've been kind of distant from my church lately, I thought it would be nice to go to show her some appreciation. She kept thanking me the whole morning and was so glad that I went. I'm glad I went too because I listened to Father Michael as I smiled at a baby that kept staring at us. I learned that even though it seems that our mothers may nag at us for the smallest things, it's just that they cares about us and wants the best for us. To us, she may be forcing us to go to church with her but he said that's not the case, It's that she wants to shower us in the same light that the Lord has shined upon her. So far it's been a good morning. I wonder if Kuya's coming today..He usually does visit on Sundays.

Well I gotta start on my English Persuasive Speech and study for the Psych Exam.
Oh..and fit a little bit of that Prom Guide as well. blech.

put your head on my shoulder

Just wearing a red tank and white shorts kickin' back in this broken chair. It feel likes I'm a lifeguard or something and I'm about ready to save someone. Of course I can't swim despite the countless swimming lessons I had as a child. I have the certificates to prove it. Unfortunately, they did nothing but help me get dunked by my babysitter's kids. In the water, I panic. I can't hold my breath for longer than 30 seconds. Pathetic huh? Never was a water baby.

Today was the ideal weather to go swimming. It was warm but there was nice breeze so it kept me cool. Today was the AP Government Exam. How did I do? I have no idea. Multiple choice was first. I died. I wasn't even thinking anymore. I think I felt confident on only two of the 36 I answered. I tried my best on the FRQs. Gawsh. I really don't know how I did. It'll be a miracle if I even get a 2. I hear you can get a 1 for writing your name. Who knows how I did. I'll find out eventually.

me during the AP Psychology exam

Afterwards, it was lunch then Track. It was a good thing I didn't suit up because I had the worst cramps I've ever had. They stuck around for a good half hour. It was so painful and unusual since I rarely get them. Gahhh Omg I'm getting it right now. Owww dhsdjfhs sharp pains. Wooh, it comes and goes. Eventually I decided I should sit in Daniel's car. Although it was hot, it felt like such a relief to crouch into a little ball. haha. Once practice was over, Daniel came. I told him to rub my belly. It hurtededed. But he made it feel better :)
I should study for Unit 3 Psychology. I think it's the only AP Exam I'm actually nervous about. I hope I can get at least a 4. I've stayed up countless nights studying for those tests and quizes. I'm going to give it my all. As for now, I'm gonna cut up an apple and study. See ya.

the sun will come out tomorrow; hopefully.

Call me a believer in external locus of control. And yes to all you psychology students out there, I've applied some of what I learned in Bigg's class into my life. I really don't know why I'm doing this right now. I shouldn't be blogging about my life. I should be cramming in all this government junk into my brain right now like all the other kids right? I don't know. I feel out of place in my AP classes. I think to myself "Why even try?" There's always someone out there who is bound to get a higher score than me. I don't know. I just don't feel like trying. I already know that I'm not going to do great. Heck, I'm probably not going to do my best at all.

Kuya just left a while ago. As my dad checked the window I reminded him to wake me up early so I can eat breakfast and make it to school before seven. I kinda did this pathetic fall and hung on my dad and told him that I was really nervous about tomorrow. He said "Don't worry, you can do it." And I answered "No. I can't. All the kids are smarter than me." I cried a little but it didn't matter because he was no longer paying attention. Lord. I feel so stupid. So many believe in me, but I don't believe in myself. What am I to do?
I have this mind set where maybe if I do certain things, than I'll get really lucky and my score will turn out to be the way I want it to be. I know it's silly but I'm secretly superstitious.

Shit. I'm screwed. I have no potential or any hopes of passing this test. I know I should take this seriously... but there's something that's holding me back. I'm always afraid that someone will see me studying or preparing for a test but when they find out my score, it's extremely low. I guess I just tend to study in secret rather than out in the open. I'm just stupid. There's so much I can do, and I know I'm not using my full potential. I keep holding back. I'll regret the fact that I didn't study like everyone else when scores come out. I've thought about lying so people wouldn't lower their perception of my intelliegence. But lying is just as stupid. Dammit. It's getting late. I'm still sick. I should take a shower and sleep now. I don't want to do that either. What do I want??? Lord. I'm lost.

Is the sun going to come out tomorrow?