Smile

Lord, I'm really trying to live out the end of my senior year. But I'm finding it to be so difficult. Bad things happen..but why is it happening now? I'm trying so hard to be happy.

Today, we watched Shutter Island in class. I get really scared..very easily and I think I freaked out the whole class. Is it possible to fear, fear? My heart was pounding so hard when I saw that really scary image, my hands were starting to shake and I kept apologizing. I was on the verge of crying. I'm so pathetic.

During Art I talked to Angel. I told her why I don't go to Core Team and why I don't attend church anymore. I'm sorry. I feel lost right now and I'm just trying to find myself. Before I could even say anything to her, I was already breaking down. I'm such a crybaby.

Summer classes will be starting once vacation starts. It's close to $2,000 just for one month. Two hours a day. I feel so stupid. I feel like I'm wasting my parent's money. And it honestly kills me that they're going out of their way just for my Prom. Before it never really was a big deal to me, but now it is. My family really wants me to enjoy myself but how can I. Things aren't going right. But I think if I complain anymore, I'll just cry. No matter what. If it happens to rain Saturday, if the car breaks down, if we're late. If everything goes wrong, one thing is for sure. I'm going to smile. For my Mom, for my Dad, for my sister, my brother. For him.

I'm really trying, but I'm about to give up. Lord, even though nothing is going right, I'm going to try my best to smile.